Sweating Bullets

I am a city girl! There is just no if, ands or buts about it. I have NEVER been raised or lived in the country in any way, shape or form. Oh, I remember once, when we lived in Oklahoma, my dad putting in a garden. I remember him periodically watering it. But mostly, I remember it slowly shrivling up and dying before any fruit or veggies even produced!

Oh....and there was that time that we did actually have a horse. I was quite young so I don't remember it much but my mom says I LOVED to feed it. I would walk outside with carrot or apple in hand, very anxious to feed her, but according to my mom...the carrot was usually gone by the time I got to her. I have ALWAYS loved horses and have had opportunities to ride them off and on in my life. Wouldn't that be nice if that made me a country girl, but I'm thinking that doesn't really count. Oh well.

The reason for the monologue about me is, if you haven't noticed, we plan to move out into the country. We are moving to a tiny town in Texas. It does have 20,000 people I guess, but that's pretty tiny compared to where I have lived before. We're not WAY far out but it sure does feel that way. I must admit, I just am not used to this way of living...AT ALL! I don't even think I had heard the word "homestead" before a year ago or so.

I don't know if my issues are so much the country/city thing either, as it is realizing that I have NEVER been required to do anything hard in my life. REALLY!! I promise. My husband went on a 2 year Mormon mission to Portugal and learned quite a bit about personal sacrifice and with drawls from things you become used to. No, not me. If I wanted something, I just went to the closest store and bought. Or figured out how I could get it. I can't remember a time when I ever had to go without anything I absolutely felt I couldn't live without.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I spent years complaining like everyone else about what I still didn't have. When I am truly honest with myself though, I have lived the life of luxury. We've never had large sums of money, if fact....the contrary. I now recognize though that if I wanted it bad enough. I got it. That's it.

Well, here's the current battle I am having now. As I have stated before....we live in a 45 year old, 900 sq.ft., cockroach and termite infested, lake house with NO air conditioning. We live in East Texas where the temperatures can raise to well over 100 degrees with 90%+ humidity. I did spend some of my growing up years in Tx. but remember what I said above. I lived just like most everyone else in an air conditioned home with most anything I wanted. (If you are thinking....wait....I didn't get everything I wanted, if you are 50-60 years old or older than I might believe you....but if you are 40 or younger, I don't. We are the generation of convenience and ease. Let's be honest.) And let's face it, I was a child and truly resilient to most anything. I could sleep comfortably on a cement floor back then.

Living this way is NOT what I am used to. At all. I hoping you are understanding this now. Granted, Chris and I KNOW this change is meant for us. It is the IDEAL we have been wanting for some time for ourselves and our family. We still hold out hope and believe we can and will do it. Does that make it easier? Well, it hasn't yet. In fact, I am realizing my upbringing is actually making it harder.

I am not used to sweating ALL day long. Day in. Day out. It doesn't matter what time of day right now. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. Unless, we walk into an air conditioned building. Which does happen a couple times a week. Let me tell you!! I have NEVER before been more grateful for air conditioning than I have been over the past 4 months.

I live in my frock at home because of the heat. When I awake in the morning, I put it on. I sweat. We work outside on the garden. I sweat. We come back in the house to cool off. I stand in front of the fan. I sweat. The funnest part of my day is standing in front of the stove during the absolute HOTTEST part of the day, making dinner. BOY, do I sweat! It really does feel like taking a shower sometimes. It is such a strange sensation to feel wetness running down your abdomen in such large quantities that your can't believe you even have that much liquid inside of you to be excreted.

Ok, you want to know the funny part now. My oldest son. He's 13. He will wear long sleeve shirts. I'm not kidding. Like I said above, resilient.

The blessing....the silver lining...the God send....we live on a lake. YEAH! When it's unbearable, we jump in. It cools us off and lifts us. We feel we can go on. Or we even have a hose. Talk about blessing. I never thought I would hear myself say how grateful I am for our outside hose. The water is VERY cool and feels HEAVENLY when you are that hot. Thank God! Seriously~ Also, in the evening when it does cool down to 95 degrees, we've been blessed with a ceiling fan that sucks in the cool air. HALLELUJAH!! Seriously. Sometimes it drops down to the 80's at night and we actually stop sweating and feel comfortable.

So, there's a tidbit into our daily life. Check back very soon. I plan on writing A LOT more often and next time will be about the cockroaches and my new found disgust toward them. I'll hopefully take pictures and go into detail of the creepy crawlies....moving on us at night. You don't want to miss it!!

Abundant peace to all (especially me),
Rachel

P.S. If you want to see pictures of our house, check HERE! A friend stated it looks alot nicer than she thought. Ya, she can't really smell it, can she? I will take more detailed pictures. We are grateful for it but OH....it's gross.

Coming Into Our Own

While in the emergency room just hours after our car accident, I realize it is going to be almost impossible for me to nurse or take care of my baby...let alone my older children. I was in EXCRUTIATING pain, like I have NEVER had before. I actually felt myself trying to leave my body so I didn't have to deal with the pain but I decide that the pain is there to teach me so I will stay as long as I can to listen. Soon after taking my ex-rays, we learn my collar bone is, in fact, broken. Something that was QUITE obvious before the x-rays were even taken. I call my mother at 1 am, from the hospital, hoping that her deep love for me will come through and she will, like she has SO MANY times before, come to my aid and uplift and support my family and I through this healing. She arrives a day and a half later, more ready and willing to help than I think I have ever seen her before. I'm so THANKFUL she has come and know it is for the best I called her.

3 days after coming home from my trip, the dream comes again. This time it is changed slightly. I still walk into the colorless room and feel the energy surrounding it, it's just that I am only there for a moment. With the first dream, it felt to me that I was in the room for a VERY long time and the feelings I was feeling would NEVER end. This time I walked into the room knowing about and looking for my friends who had come to teach me in the first dream. Sure enough, as soon as the dream started, they showed up and again repeated almost verbatim exactly what happened the first dream. This time though I was there MUCH longer and understood more of what the white buckets were and what I should be learning.

So, within the first few days of my Mom's arrival, we start chatting about my life and such. I explain to her a how we are going down to San Pete County to look at some land and what we are thinking in regards to our future and what we are hoping to create for ourselves. I tell her about my dream and how we were feeling drawn to make some kind of move so we could build a more self sustaining life style. I still smile when I think of the look on her face when I was sharing this with her. I actually saw the light bulb come on of how she could help us, as my mother is ALL about helping anyone she can. She looks at me and says “Well, you know, we have 25 acres of land in Marshall and no one is living on it or planning on doing anything with it anytime soon. I'm sure if you were planning on putting in an orchard, if you put in an extra few fruit trees for us and take care of them, we wouldn't mind if you lived on the land and used it how you need to..”
My first reaction to this was to turn her down immediately but that is because I spent many of my growing up years in Texas and there was just something about it that I didn't like. Living here once again, I have found out what that is. BUGS and HEAT! But that's for another time so I'll wait to give my sermon on how I am struggling to live harmoniously with all living things....like our mission statement says.

Anyway, as soon as I see Chris later that evening I start to discuss the idea with him. He states that he already knew they had land and had even thought about mentioning it to me but he was sure I would have turned him down before he even mentioned it. Up til that point, I'm sure I would of but because of my experience in California and now my car accident I knew, for a surety, that things were in no way an accident and my life was being laid out for me and all I had to do was take it or not. I apologized about not being open sooner but told him I was open now and wanted to talk about it. With the VERY limited amount of money we had, we knew unless the land was gifted to us or we try to create our dreams on the small plot we were currently living on, there was just no way we could become as self sufficient as we were wanting.

So, after some long conversations and lots of praying, I told my Mom to seriously consider was moving there and asked her to talk to my Dad about it. That evening she did so and sure enough there were both in agreement that they were open to us using the land. Looking back and even now, it seems SO SURREAL how easily this whole moved ebbed and flowed. I can tell you I felt and still feel that so much about this is not about me or my family. I remember when I was studying to become a midwife, so many of them would comment on how they didn't decided to become a midwife....how midwifery called them. This is EXACTLY how we feel about everything about this move. It all came together so easily, gently even perfectly that we felt and feel called. It's hard to explain. I hope you understand.